Benjamin Franklins is attributed the following quote, “"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." The same can be said of your participation in Counseling, so what does preparation look like for you, the client ?
Strange as it may seem considering your readiness for counseling is the first and most critical step. Prochaska and DiClemente are psychologists who developed the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change, also known as the Stages of Change Model. This model describes the process individuals go through when making changes in their behavior. The model they developed consists of six stages (Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance and Termination).
In the Precontemplation stage, individuals are not yet considering changing their behavior. They may be unaware of the need for change or resistant to the idea. There are actually some people who come to counseling just to prove to someone else that they don’t have a problem and still others who come to counseling in an attempt to convince someone else that the other person in their relationship has the problem and needs to change. Neither of these positions makes for a beneficial counseling experience.
Others may be aware of the need to change and are considering making a change, even possibly considering the pros and cons of change but they are still not quite ready to make a commitment to take action to change. These individuals are in the Contemplation stage of change. An individual might actually come to counseling for help in sorting out their role in their personal or interpersonal challenges. Uncertain, but somewhat open, these individuals are considering, contemplating the possibility of their need to change.
Then there are the Preparation and Action stages of Change. In both of these stages the individual has accepted that they have a need to change something in their lives that would benefit their personal well being, interpersonal relationships and they are ready to take action, like seeking out and participating in counseling. They begin to make plans, set goals, and gather resources in support of their decision. As they participate in counseling they refine their awareness of what needs to change, take action in the direction of change, implement new strategies, behaviors, seek support, overcome obstacles in an effort to make progress towards their identified goal(s).
Change is hard. Any number of reasons exist for why it’s hard to change well established patterns of behavior, thinking, relating, that can make change very difficult and will require a commitment of time outside the counseling session. I’ve counseled people that report they’ve been to counseling before and “it didn’t help.” And I am fully aware of the likelihood that people have come to see me and told the next counselor or others that counseling didn’t help them either. In fact, I try to let people know that “Counseling doesn’t work ! They do !” As a Counselor, my job is to listen, weigh and consider what I’m being told, be prayerful and sensitive to what direction, guidance, assistance to provide in order to facilitate the work that you, the client have committed to in order to resolve your challenges and meet your goals.
In this counseling effort, I am reminded of the quote by Edwin Friedman,
“The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech.”
Accepting your need for change, making a commitment to work in the direction of making the needed change, having “ears to hear”, being open to accountability when you falter in acting consistent with your commitment, are all necessary but not wholly sufficient in making your counseling experience successful. It’s a good beginning.
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